March 14, 2015
To start with, the title invokes a defeatist attitude with self pity involved. I think if you read on past the title, you will discover that isn't true, and not the intended purpose of this entire blog, which is to show my readers that anything is possible if you just try. This day began several months ago when I registered for a bike race that I knew would be a tough one. During the winter months, the serious racers got out and trained in sub-freezing temperatures and harsh conditions in order to condition themselves to what lay ahead. This writer did not. While it is true, I got out and rode, and even rode in some adverse weather conditions, I did not actually train to improve my physical conditioning. Mostly, I did not train to improve my mental conditioning. I just rode my bike. So, while the background is now behind us, let me bring you up to date.
March 13th, the day before the big race ..... it rained all day. I knew the country roads would be not in very good shape for driving, let alone riding, and the roads up in the Stillwater, Oklahoma area are much more primitive than ours down here. The race purposely chooses the more primitive roads to add a challenge to the race, to separate the haves from the have nots. This year, with the help of the rain before the race, the race organizers certainly outdid themselves. The race organizers had no control over the weather, and did a bang-up job of providing and seeing to our safety and needs while we were out there on the course. I had a choice to make ...... should I go on and try, or stay home, warm and dry. I decided to go. Which brings us up to the day of the race.
First, a couple of definitions in order to better define the purpose of my title to this post.
1...... Success: The accomplishment of ones stated goals.
2...... Failure: Proving unsuccessful, not achieving ones goals.
3...... Defeat: To eliminate or deprive of something expected.
All of these came into play in the race today, and affected the outcome for me.
Starting out, there was a large number of riders, although it didn't appear to me to be anywhere near the original registration number of some 580 riders.
Here is the start:
Bike still pretty and clean after just unloading. See the little white plastic piece under my downtube? That proved to be a real lifesaver, keeping me and my water bottles much cleaner. Called a "Crud Catcher", it's an $8.00 item that was worth it's weight in gold on this ride.
From behind: To the lady in the middle of the picture. ..... I'm sorry, I really didn't realize you had to go ......
From the front:
After the loud gun (I mean really loud, I jumped!) we were off. The first few miles were paved, and then normal gravel country roads after a rain. A bit muddy in spots, but easily rideable even rather quickly. I chose the Fatbike for this ride for a couple of reasons .... 1: I wanted to add a bit to the challenge (little did I know) and 2: it is very comfortable, it climbs much better than I ever thought it would, is much more stable on downhills, and I felt that I could do the intended mileage without too much difficulty.
Please excuse the image quality of a couple of the photos as I was riding at the time and the road was rough in spots shaking the camera and I around a bit. These are typical Oklahoma country roads, considered to be "all weather roads" and as you can see, quite passable in most conditions. These nice roads continued until mile 10 into the ride, then things got more and more interesting. I was proud of the big ol' Fatbike, I was able to keep on pedaling even when most of the others had resorted to walking. Then I saw my first broken derailleur hanger and the gentleman was pulling his bike off to the side .... done for the day, then a second, then a broken chain ....... then I got off and walked also. I did not have a spare derailleur hanger with me, and really did not want to break the one that was on the bike. At the time, I was still moving, albeit very slowly.
I rode right on down to the portage, then continued riding up the little hill in the background. It was near the top of that hill where I started noticing riders out with mechanicals.
After that, it was one portage, and one muddy hill after another for three miles. This wasn't just mud ...... think red peanut butter, sticky, gooey, slimy. Walking was a chore, one two foot stride forward, then slide a foot and one half back on ever step. Slide down the slope of the portages sideways.
Here you can see the young lady bringing her bike off the top of the bank. down one level.
At this point, I was still smiling, laughing and joking to the other riders, poking fun at adversity, and still had my spirits up. It got worse.
Did I mention it was a sticky, gooey peanut butter type mud ..... well, this is my back wheel after cleaning it all off, then five feet further and it looked like this again. Not rolling, sliding. The bike gained at least ten pounds. Push, slide, lift over portages up on the ditch banks, clean, slide, push, lift.
The front tire, you really couldn't tell where the road ended and the tire started.
After two miles of this, my spirits were still good, laughing about it, joking, teasing, and just carrying on. I felt surely it couldn't last forever. Then I topped another hill, only to see, stretched out ahead of me, another mile of muddy goo, and riders pushing their bikes down the hill, across the valley floor, and back up the other side. This was where I was defeated. I allowed my mind to be overcome by the adversity, instead of mind over matter, the conditions were instead controlling my mind. I gave in to the pain, and the weariness that I was feeling in my body. My muscles hurt, seemingly every one of them, my head hurt, I felt like I couldn't push that heavy (and getting heavier) bike another foot. Right there, I defeated myself. The people that went on to finish this race were the ones that kept right on going with the same can-do attitude that they had at the beginning. I went on, but only out of stubbornness and determination rather than a carefree attitude. No more laughing, joking and grinning, just push, lift, slide, clean, and push some more. Finally, over the next hill, things did indeed improve, and finally I was able to ride for a bit. During all this mud, I must have seen at least 20 riders with mechanical issues, knocking them out of the race. Finally, a chance to ride, then walk and push, then ride a bit more, then finally to the crossroads. This brings me to the title. To the left was the marked route, the completion of the route would have marked success. To the right, was the shorter way back to town, still not easy, but shorter, and failure. Both success and failure are a choice, and at that moment, I chose to fail, and went to the right. To go to the left went south, and more of the same mud. The further south we went, the worse it got. The way I went, wasn't easy, still muddy, many hills, but ride-able. The stalwart, tough, strong willed people went left and finished, I went right and back to town. I was very exhausted at this crossroads and honestly didn't think I could go on to finish. However, I got back on the bike and rode 13 miles back to town, still on mud and through the hills. So ...... I obviously wasn't as exhausted as I thought, it was all in my mind. I allowed the conditions take control, instead of my mind staying in control. At the time, I felt ashamed of my decision, and later rationalized it by saying, well ......"I did ride thirty miles and finished under my own motive power" ...... and another .... "I could have chosen not to start, but I did, and rode what I could" .... The truth is, though, I gave up, caved, I was finished mentally. This is not the sign of a true athlete, who takes advantage of adversity to gain on his (her) opponents. Speaking of her ...... there were both males and females in this race who finished ..... I can at least say I am proud to have been able to ride along with them for a bit, and laugh and joke with them. They, however, kept their smiling faces until the end. I did not. It all goes back to "rule number five" ...... toughen up!! Shame on me, I should have had that in my mind. All this, however was before I realized that the route to the south was just a big loop and brought us back onto the same road we had just pushed through. That knowledge would have completely done me in.
Is there a moral here ...... you bet!! I realized that if I am going to do this sort of thing, I need to toughen up, train harder, train my mind to accept adversity and pain and keep going, keep smiling, and keep thinking it's fun! That top of the hill at mile two was where it quit being fun for me, and influenced my decision at the crossroads. Do I consider myself a failure ....... not at all. I came, I tried, I did what I could. I did, indeed finish under my own power, and did at least do thirty tough miles. I was out there with everyone else doing the same thing, and while 20% of the riders went on to finish, 80% failed to do so, like me. So I was in good company. I need to work a bit harder if I want to continue doing this. Although, I also felt, that I really need make a decision to either leave the racing to those people who are better suited for it, or work harder on my training if I want to continue. Mostly, I need to work on my mentality a lot, even for general riding ....... Keep Laughing, Keep Smiling, Have Fun In The Face Of Anything That Comes Along! If you can do that ..... nothing can truly defeat you!
At the end pictures :
Bike not looking like it did at the start
Nice tee
The riders who finished this tough, grueling route have my utmost respect and admiration. Life is a journey and not every day will be successful, some will be failures, but as long as we get up the next morning willing to try again, we, personally are a success. So, we take the good days with the failed days, and make the most of them, and if we can do that, we will always be a success. My day failed to achieve what I wanted, but I succeeded because I tried, and pushed through one of the most grueling days I can remember, and tomorrow, maybe my day will succeed as well.
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